


Thorough Testing

by lescousinsdangereux



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Multi, OT3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-19
Updated: 2014-12-19
Packaged: 2018-03-02 05:51:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2801921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lescousinsdangereux/pseuds/lescousinsdangereux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Laura, Carmilla, and Danny get kicked out of IKEA.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thorough Testing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [timequakes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/timequakes/gifts).



> Happy Yuletide, timequakes! I hope this fulfills your OT3 needs.

_They will come in droves_

_Wearing their hearts on their sleeve but oh!_

_How good it felt to have them worn just like they should_

[ _Good Day_  by Jukebox the Ghost]

_\---_

 

"Shower curtain?"

"Check."

"Couch pillows?"

"Check."

"Bathroom trashcan?"

"Check."

"New blender because  _someone_ wanted to prove that vampires could get drunk and downed an entire handle of vodka and then decided that she should also use _my_ blender to ‘destroy all pointy wooden things’ in the ‘near vicinity’ because they were ‘health hazards’.”

"… um. Check?" 

The last affirmation comes rather hesitantly, what with Carmilla rolling her eyes with the collective annoyance of fifteen pre-teen girls and Danny glaring with the strength of fifteen suns. 

"I said,  _check_ , which means we have a new one so we can forget about that  _minor_ little incident.” Laura looks back and forth between her girlfriends. “Right?” 

“I said I was _sorry_ ,” Carmilla grumbles. 

 “What? When?”

“The _very_ next day, in fact.” 

Laura lets out a small groan as Danny stops in the middle of the aisle; hopefully no one would have any desire to browse… super cute wall lamps, actually. She reaches for one that is pretty and blue and on sale and totally matches their color scheme… only to have Danny intercept her hand, threading their fingers together instead.

“Laura… you _made_ this list. You _told_ us to make sure you stuck to the list. And there are no lamps on the list.” She turns back to Carmilla, meaning that Laura’s normally super effective puppy-dog pout is _wasted_ on her. “And please. The word ‘sorry’ has never left your mouth.”

“That’s because my mouth was preoccupied doing _other_ things by way of apology.” 

Danny flushes. “Oh.” 

Carmilla smirks. “That’s right.”  

Laura reaches for the wall lamp with her free hand. “But we could really use one in the bedroom…” 

“Laura!” Her hand is snatched out of the air again. 

 _Rude_ , Laura thinks, but then realizes she is holding hands with both of her girlfriends and doesn’t mind so much. Or at all. 

“Fine, fine.” Danny pushes the cart forward again, cheeks still slightly pink, and Laura and Carmilla trail along—a chain of linked hands that Carmilla would surely feel forced to comment on with derision if she weren’t still smug over her victory. “What’s left on _my_ list, then?” 

“Well…” There’s hesitation in Danny’s words, but not movement. “A dresser. But I _still_ don’t think…” 

While Laura goes with the tried and true standard groan in response to this, Carmilla employs a colorful bit of what sounds like swearing, though Laura can’t be completely sure, as none of it is in English. It sounds like French (it also sounds really hot; _something to revisit at a later point in time_ , she thinks).

“Danny! For the love of…. Not the stupid dresser again!”

“Your attachment to a piece of furniture you acquired at a garage sale is an alarming level of disconcerting,” Carmilla agrees. 

“It’s not _attachment_. It’s practicality. We don’t _need_ a new dresser.” 

Laura exchanges a look with Carmilla. “Danny, all the legs are missing.”

“We needed stakes! It was an emergency!” 

“Thank you for that, by the way,” Carmilla cuts in.  “I absolutely love having several copies of one of the few things that can _kill me_ lying around the house.” 

A woman passing by in the opposite direction gives them a strange look, and Laura shushes them, drawing Carmilla closer to Danny (and the cart) with a tug of her hand. 

“It doesn’t really _need_ legs though. I made sure it was level!” Danny continues, in a tone that is not at all lowered. 

“You used the drawers as weapons against those toad-men that infiltrated campus last month. Remember that, Ip Man?” 

Danny makes a face, pushing the cart into the home furnishing section of the store. “Okay, first of all, you couldn’t have gone with Sarah Connor or Buffy or Ripley? Let’s have some female empowerment here, okay?”

“Pretty sure those are too ‘mainstream’ for Carmilla,” Laura cuts in with a little grin. “She’s got to protect her rep. Plus, I think the B-word is maybe not her favorite what with the whole—you know— _slaying_.” 

“That is not remotely—” 

“ _Secondly_ , the drawers are _fine_. I fixed them!” 

“You lined them with duct-tape, Dan. And used a hammer to smash them back into the dresser.”

 “Not to mention _my_ shirt drawer still had remnants of toad juice in it,” Carmilla adds. “Which I am not entirely sure was inadvertent.”

“Since you’ve pretty much never done laundry, I’m surprised you even—”

“Oh, but look! We’re here!” Laura says brightly, squeezing both hands in her grasp. “I can see the dressers and they are seriously _nice_. No toad goop or duct tape and… can’t we just go take a look? A peak?”

It’s time for Carmilla and Danny to exchange a look now—one that is a practiced and clear signal of temporary truce. It’s also a look that Laura has apparently been waiting for, because she takes it as a sign of agreement, releasing both girls’ hands and bounding into the area with numerous dressers on display.

“We are not getting a bright blue dresser,” Carmilla mutters, hands now in her pockets, eying Laura as she makes a beeline for the more colorful models. 

Danny nods, her gaze focused on the same subject. “Agreed.” 

“Oh! Look at this blue one!” 

Carmilla shakes her head, but slinks towards the origin of the shout (a bouncing Laura in front of a sky-blue dresser). “So predictable.” 

“So cute though.”

“Yeah.” She sighs and shares another look with Danny. “Agreed.”

 

\---

 

One hour later, they’ve narrowed it down to two.

(Granted, a half hour of that time had been spent taking a power nap—as mandated by Carmilla—and then being asked to leave the bedding area, but it still feels like an unnecessary length of time spent looking at dressers.)

“I like them both,” Laura says, with no small amount of longing. “Can’t I have both?” 

“While that line of logic _has_ worked surprisingly well for you in the past,” Carmilla begins, her voice a low drawl, “we don’t have the room, cutie.”

“Or the funds.” Danny sounds almost regretful… but not regretful enough to not preemptively add (with an eye roll in Carmilla’s general direction), “If we split the cost _equally_ , like we _all_ agreed on.” 

Carmilla waves her off, clearly more concerned with the slight pout on Laura’s face than Danny’s slight exasperation. 

“Maybe you should… test them.” 

“Really, Carm? Test the _dressers_? What, should we go find a stack of clothing so Laura can work on her folding?”

“I don’t see you offering any helpful suggestions, gargantuan.”

Danny swats at Carmilla’s head. Carmilla sways out of the way (and into Laura), grinning. 

“You guys,” Laura sighs. 

“Don’t fret.” Apparently, the proximity makes it impossible for Carmilla not to plant a quick kiss on Laura’s neck (not that anyone seems to mind the lack of control). “I’ve just had a brilliant thought.” 

“Try not to fall over from patting yourself on the back so hard.” 

She only spares Danny a glance before placing her hands on Laura’s waist and lifting her onto the dresser without any apparent strain.

“Hey, what are you—?” 

“Testing,” Carmilla purrs, taking another step closer, in between Laura’s dangling legs. And then (quite effectively) cuts any further protest off with her mouth.  Or… _tries_. After another moment Laura starts up again. 

“Carm, we _can’t_ —” 

But even this objection dies off as quickly as it had begun, this time fading into a small whimper when Carmilla attaches her mouth to Laura’s jaw, teeth nipping at the skin.

“Can’t we?” she murmurs. 

“Well—we—” Laura’s ankles lock around Carmilla’s thighs, so maybe that’s an answer in itself. Especially when her hands slide into Carmilla’s hair and bring her lips back up to hers. (And when her tongue slides over the ridge of Carmilla’s teeth, where her fangs are likely to elongate at any moment if Laura keeps this up.) 

There’s a loud cough from behind Carmilla, which she ignores with great persistence until the active tugging on the waist of her pants begins.

“Do you _mind_?” she growls, removing one hand from the small of Laura’s back in order to swat at the arm pulling her away. “I’m _testing_. Diligence is an admirable trait; you might see that for yourself if you decided to help rather than hinder.” 

But the next tug is hard enough that Carmilla allows herself to be pulled back, sighing all the while. 

“I _am_ helping,” Danny insists, wrapping her arms around Carmilla’s waist and kissing her on the cheek. “’Diligence’ means considering all options, right? So we should _try out other options_.”

“Oh, I don’t know.” Laura, still sitting on top of the dresser, looks dazed, but manages to interject nevertheless, blinking several times in an attempt to clear the fog. “A more thorough testing on this one could be good.” 

Danny is insistent, shaking her head (smacking strands of red against the side of Carmilla’s face in the process; it only increases her pout). “It’s too short.” 

“Everything is too short for you, Sasquatch,” Carmilla returns, blowing some of Danny’s hair out of her face. “But you’re outnumbered. And you agreed to the majority rules nonsense. Now, if you had listened to me about the merits of a monarchy…”

“You had to bend over when you were kissing her. And fine, maybe you’re immune to scoliosis, but it’s still not the most comfortable position for lengths of time—”

“Um. Can we go back to the ‘lengths of time’, part?” Laura interjects, now looking less dazed and more impatient. “Because that _last_ length of time was pretty short and—”

“—Which is why I think the _other_ dresser would be better,” Danny continues, releasing Carmilla (with another kiss to the cheek) and stepping around her to approach Laura (who looks considerably happier with this new advancement in the conversation).

“It’s taller and wider. Plus…” She glances around the empty area before her hands find Laura’s hips, just as Carmilla’s had not ten minutes before, and she lifts her with only a bit more effort, transporting her from one dresser to the other.  “…I like the finish.”

“Me too,” Laura breathes, hands already tugging Danny closer by the hem of her shirt, and Carmilla smirks the _slightest_ bit, feeling less put out over the interruption as she wanders around to the back of the dresser, a single finger gliding along its wooden surface. “…The finish, I mean. I like that.”

Danny still has to stoop to kiss Laura, even with the higher dresser, but Carmilla does find that accessing Laura’s neck is more convenient—she hardly has to bend at all to do so, once she’s swept aside her girlfriend’s hair. Accessing Danny is _also_ convenient, sliding her hands along Laura’s sides and down her thighs as she presses her mouth to her neck, then tugging Danny closer by the belt loops of her red jeans. Laura makes a noise of appreciation in the back of her throat, clearly pleased with the proximity of both of her girls, one now pressed tightly to her front and the other to her back.

Still, maybe it’s not close enough, because her heels come up behind Danny to nudge her even closer as she slides a bit further back on the dresser to lean into Carmilla. (And then her teeth join in as well, capturing Danny’s bottom lip and _tugging_ until there are nails digging into her thigh.)

“We are _totally_   testing all the furniture in the apartment when we get home,” Laura groans, pulling back just enough to make her words audible.

Carmilla agrees, mouth shifting to Laura’s ear.  “It’s simply a matter of obligation.” 

Perhaps Laura would have added more than a shiver in response, but Danny’s mouth is back against hers and her hands are sliding further up her thighs and a shiver (a result of the combination of the various sensations her girlfriends are producing) is the best she can do. 

And—yes—oh—there’s the slightly scraping of Carmilla’s fangs against her earlobe and while Laura is vaguely aware that they are still very much in the middle of IKEA, she doesn’t have any control over her mouth and the sounds it is producing (muffled as they are against Danny’s lips and tongue) and— 

“ _Excuse_ me!”

The voice is loud and gruff and not very pleasant; once it registers in Laura’s mind she jerks back with a speed only matched by the rapid reddening of her cheeks. Danny does the same, jumping back and shoving her hands in her pockets and turning as red as her hair. Carmilla, on the other hand, merely groans and buries her face in Laura’s neck.

“Excuse me,” the man says again. “You three will be leaving now.”

Laura’s not about to argue, but she can’t help but think such a feat might be tricky while she is unable to raise her eyes past the general vicinity of her shoes.

 

\---

 

“We still need to get a dresser.” 

It’s the first thing Laura says after leaving the store, and it’s only said after the red in her cheeks has faded (once they have piled into Danny’s Jeep and started back towards Silas).

“At least they let us check out.”

“Only because you wouldn’t leave without your new blender.” Carmilla reclines her seat, propping her feet on the dashboard and ignoring Danny’s warning look. “I’m pretty sure that guy actually _squeaked_ when you took our cart from him.” (Though, of course, she sounds more impressed with the display than anything.) 

“Yeah well, for once in your life you didn’t pull the whole broody, scary vampire thing, so someone had to step up.” 

“Aw, Dan, she _couldn’t_ ,” Laura chimes in, not very helpfully, if Carmilla’s scowl is anything to go by. “Her _fangs_ were out. You know she can’t help it sometimes when we…” 

Danny practically cackles. Carmilla begins to sulk. 

“Just couldn’t keep ‘em in your mouth, eh, bloodsucker?” 

“Yes. Very well. Laugh it up, Bigfoot. Continue to laugh right up until the moment when I take your precious new blender and… ” 

“You guys….” Laura sighs. 

“Sorry, babe.”

“Sorry, cutie.” 

There’s a short moment of silence in the car, wherein Laura lets out a small ‘humph’ and Danny and Carmilla exchange a look. 

“We’re still testing the bed out when we get home, right, fang-face?” 

“Obviously, numskull.” 

“You guys…” 

Laura sighs again. 

(It’s far less pronounced.)

 


End file.
